WONKAFONKA

I need to stop recording movies on my DVR. I have a bad habit of filling it up with films I heard were good, maybe remember a review of from Entertainment Weekly, wanted to see but missed in the theater, used to own on DVD but lost in the Great War (AKA my divorce, which was actually pretty amicable, but it’s funnier to call it that) and I want to watch again, etc. My DVR is never less than 50% full and usually hovers closer to 70%. This causes me anxiety, because I also have a regular crop of TV shows set to record, and it’s not unusual for it (the DVR) to caution me that it’s going to max out.

Here’s the thing. I’m really good at recording movies. And terrible about watching them. Every few months I go through and delete some things that have been sitting the longest and clearly are never going to be watched. We just passed the one-year anniversary of the oldest recording parked there, “Man on Wire”, a jaw-dropping, fascinating Oscar-winning documentary – so says the DVR menu. I really want to see it. Apparently not enough to push play. Maybe I should watch it right now. It’s only 100 minutes long. I could totally stay awake for that. It’s one of seven movies hanging out. This morning there were nine. I was contemplating a nap this afternoon, and decided to watch a movie from my backlog instead. I picked “The Tourist”.

I had low expectations, even though it stars my boyfriend, Johnny Depp; I knew it wasn’t supposed to be particularly worthwhile. Also, I’m not really much of an Angelina Jolie fan. Sadly, my expectations were not low enough. It didn’t feel suspenseful. It didn’t feel like a fun caper. It just felt like a waste of time. The logical question is why did I record it in the first place, right? Um, did I mention Johnny Depp?

Unfortunately, I feel an irrational sense of failure if I don’t see a movie through to the end. It’s not as though I never turn away from one, but I feel like after I’ve invested a certain amount of time, I might as well find out what happens. The notable exception to this is “Napoleon Dynamite”. I tried. I really did. I wanted to know what the big deal was. But after 20 minutes or so, I decided life is too short, and I turned it off. Sadly, I did not have the same epiphany during “The Hangover”. I kept thinking it would have to get funny, since everyone in the entire world other than Sunshine and my dad think it’s the most hilarious thing since sliced bread. Wait. Sliced bread isn’t actually funny. I might’ve gotten that wrong. Regardless, watching “The Hangover” made me want to poke out my own eyes.

My low-key afternoon transitioned into a lazy evening. Ruby Dogwonkafonka and I were camped out on the couch, ready to watch another movie. This time we chose “Tiny Furniture”, a low-budget indie film about a recent college grad who returns home while she tries to figure out what to do with her life. I went to IMDB to get a little synopsis for y’all, and even IMDB can’t tell me if it was a comedy or a drama. Not that that’s a bad thing, most of my favorite movies are a mix of both. This, however, is not one of my new favorites. Mostly, I kept thinking about how much I wanted to punch each and every character. At some point something has to happen or someone has to be likable for me to, you know, enjoy it. Damn my obsessive need to watch till the end. Many people on Rotten Tomatoes seem to have enjoyed it, but I am not joining their ranks.

So I also have “Religulous” and “Capitalism: A Love Story” in the queue. Anybody want to talk me into or out of watching either of those?

PS, I wrote this last night but didn’t post it till now, so please pretend my todays and tonights and tenses and stuff make sense, k? Yeah, thanks. 🙂