Words….Witticisms…Whimsy…Whatever!

Posts tagged ‘Divorce’

Under the Influence – #3

These are lame post titles, I know that, but I figure I should make them easily identifiable and consistent at this point. I promise when I’m done there will be one called ”Butter Wrestling”. And if you don’t know what’s going on here, read this and this and this.

Moving on to song #3….

I’m Free – The Soup Dragons

This was a difficult decision for me to include on the program, because I was worried about how it would come across. Wait. I’m getting ahead of myself.

Firstly, this is a cover of a Rolling Stones song. I had no idea until a few weeks before recording the program, while discussing my song choices with a friend and he mentioned it. I promptly looked it up on YouTube, and did not care for it at all (which surprised me exactly zero %). The Soup Dragons’ version I love lots. I think my college roommate Charles (who no longer speaks to me, but that’s a story for a different day) introduced me to it back in the early 90s. It’s fun and funky and makes me want to chair dance (which I’m doing right this second, as I’m listening to it – Ruby is giving me her ‘’What the fuck are you doing?’’ look).

So one day a few years ago I was in a store, possibly in the mall, which is odd because I hate the mall, and I heard I’m Free being played on the store’s soundtrack, which was also odd, because it wasn’t 1994. It made me happy and I probably started bouncing my head or store dancing or something, and then something with the words just clicked:

I’m free to do whatever I want any old time.

That’s deep, man.

I had just split from my husband, and the song was like a revelation: I’m no longer accountable to anyone. And here we can circle back to why I was hesitant to use this song for the program. I didn’t want it to sound like I was at all restricted when I was married, or like it was a controlling relationship, or in any way reflect negatively on my ex-husband. Honestly, it had nothing to do with him – it was about me. I grew up, went to college, had roommates, a live-in boyfriend, a husband – I had never lived by myself or been completely on my own before.

I’m free to do whatever I want any old time.

When I got divorced, it was a delayed coming-of-age time for me. I think most people go through this when they’re younger, but I’ve always been somewhat of a late bloomer.  I lived with my dad when we first separated, but eventually I was able to move into my own home and it was fucking awesome. (Couldn’t say that on the radio.)  And to be clear, these aren’t crazy things I’m celebrating that I can do now. It’s things like I stopped making my bed every day. When I was married, I got up later than he did, and I made the bed every day. Not because he made me, but because when you’re in a relationship like that, you’re considerate of the other person (hopefully). But I’m kind of lazy and I don’t really care if the bed is made, so I still do it sometimes, but it’s not longer ‘’required’’. I fall asleep with the TV on. I leave dishes in the sink overnight.  I let the dog sleep on the bed. BECAUSE I CAN! Did I do some dumb things? Maybe. Did it matter? NO!

After having that light bulb moment in the store, I went home and made a playlist anchored by the Soup Dragons, built upon that ‘’footloose and fancy free’’ theme. It was called Phase 2. Phase 1 had been a playlist of angry songs. It was good to move on.

I’m free to do whatever I want any old time.

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Clip this!

 

Soooooooooo some of you may have heard me whine over the last four years that my ex-husband kept all the good chip clips when we got divorced. I fully recognize that this is a completely silly thing to be bent out of shape over.  But if you’ve ever been through your own, you know that divorce brings out the stupid. And ps, he could have let me have a few of them! Every time I dig out one of my shitty plastic clips, I get a little pissed off.

Guess what? I bought my own today. Woot!

 

 

I’m not sure what took me so long – probably just never wandered through the right spot in Meijer before. But I finally decided to buy a cheese grater, since I am  surprised every time I go looking for one and realize I don’t have one of those, either.  You should totally be allowed to register when you get divorced and lose half your crap. I wish I had thought this up four years ago, but for anyone getting divorced now or in the future, please try it – I will back you up! 🙂

 
Now….I have to go find something in the kitchen to open, so I can clip it back shut again. 🙂

 

Peace

“The holidays are hard.”

You hear that all the time. Especially for people who are sad or lonely or divorced or widowed or sick or some other life-altering thing. We see it in the movies all the time, so it must be true.

Even so, I was surprised (and felt appallingly like a cliché) when a gloomy cloud settled over me the first Christmas after my divorce. After all, I’m Jewishy – it’s not my holiday. Yet, I felt displaced. I no longer had any holiday traditions (or even ways to fill my time) and absolutely, positively everyone else was beyond booked. Duh, they were with their families, like I used to be, until I gave that up. It wasn’t even that I was missing my ex and his family, and their holiday traditions. It was more that the entire world was wrapped up in festive cheer and special celebrations and family time and I was not. It was lonely. I didn’t belong.

And it persisted in the following years. Today I thought I’d blog about it in some fashion, this unexpected melancholy. Then I realized….I’m not feeling it this year. I was sitting on my comfy couch under Fuzzy Blankie, with my snuggly Ruby Tuesday, in my cozy house, and I felt totally at peace. I could have been content spending the entire holiday weekend just like that, but I have new traditions now. On Christmas Eve my dad, grandma and I go to the movies and out to dinner. My dad goes through an elaborate exercise of mapping out movie times and calling every restaurant in Fort Wayne to see who is open and until when. On Christmas day, it’s round two of the movies, followed by dinner at our friend Rachel’s house, who has graciously welcomed our family into hers, and also makes a kick-ass meal. And a friend who is going through his own “displacement” is joining us.

And it’s complete as far as family traditions go – it has a touch of dysfunction! By the end of the two days, I am MAXED OUT on spending time with my dad and grandma. (Sorry, Dad, I know you’re reading this, no offense. Besides, I know you will be overloaded on your parent, so you can relate. J )

That’s not to say life is perfect and without its challenges and heartaches, because it’s not. But for today, life is good. And I’ll take that.

And on a complete tangent, please note definition 3 for melancholy. Eww. 

Merry Christmas! J